“There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
– Leonard Cohen

Been there.

Done that.

Same relationship.

Same conversation.

Same mistake.

Same finances.

And we’re all so freaking tired. Tired of pretending that we’re not tired. Tired of pretending that we’re not in pain. That that offhanded comment made by the person we met on Tinder didn’t cut deep. That we’re worried that we’ll never really make a difference and that if we could make a difference it wouldn’t matter anyway. That the façade we have spent so many years cultivating isn’t who we really are and if we dropped the façade we would have no idea who is underneath.

So we wake up, put on our game faces and soldier on.

The reality is we all just want to feel good and have somehow developed the belief that there are only a handful of people who have that luxury. The rest of us don’t have time to feel good.

There is an absolute epidemic of misguided positive thinking in our world. An idea that somehow if we just put on a smile life won’t hurt so much and if it does, then we’d better hide it because showing your pain is just not positive. It’s not what successful people do. It’s weak.

The irony is that the answer lies in our pain. The light is in our darkness. And, frankly, there is a difference between true positivity and willful ignorance. One is a house built on sand, the other on rock. One is the energy that changes the world and the other is the energy that keeps us trapped in the same exhausting Groundhog Day.

We have a choice here. We do. And once we have made the decision to make a stand for ourselves, to admit we feel pain, to journey into the darkness, it’s amazing how quickly we begin to feel good.

And then, almost as quickly, we find ourselves right back in it again.

Same reaction.
Same pattern.

Looking around thinking, how did I get here?

It’s amazing how quickly we can predict the end of a movie, a book, our friends’ relationships, yet are completely bewildered by the events in our own lives. Why is that and what if we had the same omniscience in our own lives?

The issue, really, is perspective. Rather than viewing our stories through the eyes of the director, we view from inside the screen. Events happen to us, our emotions are outside of our control, our vision is limited and we are blind to the part we play in our own destinies. From this vantage point, it’s easy to give up, believe we have no power, that people are all the same, that the world doesn’t support us. In short, it’s easy to blame our families, friends, society, the universe, God, and, mostly, ourselves. While it is true that our actions create our realities, it is also true that we have choice. If we believe ourselves to be characters in a story that’s already been written, our choice is lost and we become powerless.

It is possible to shift perspective, to regain power, to change the story. It’s possible to release ourselves from the prison that self-blame keeps us in.

How?

First of all, it’s important to understand how we learned to do it in the first place. We were born blank canvases with no real knowledge of the world around us. We were taught to read, write, how to cross the street, and, attached to this basic information came all kinds of other information. If we learned to read easily, we were smart; if it came with more difficulty, stupid. If people reacted to us with laughter, we were funny and if we thrived on storytelling, creative. If we preferred to observe the world around us before participating in it, we were labeled shy and if we were good at sports, athletic. Some of us were good kids and some were bad. Kind or nasty. Feisty or sedate. Delicate or clumsy. Attractive or not. Based on this information, we decided who we were, what we were capable of and what choices we made. And it worked. Sometimes. The results were consistent for sure and consistency is comfortable. The thing is our comfort can become fossilized and then what?

This is when we start to believe we are at the mercy of the world. This is when words like “always” and “never” become a habitual part of our language. We start saying things like, “I never win”, “I’ve never been a people person”, “I’m always broke”, “I’m always left out”. We say these things as though they are fact. We share them with the people we associate with. We teach the world who we believe we are and the world responds in kind.

Our proclamations that the world is, in fact, a certain way all of the time affords us a false sense of security. We believe that we are able to predict the outcome of situations that otherwise might seem uncertain. The danger, of course, is that we become totally unaware of alternative possibilities. All of our energy is focused on finding proof that our beliefs are true rather than allowing each situation to be new.

One of my closest friends’ maxims was, “If you don’t compete, you can’t lose.” And, this is true. You can’t lose. You also don’t grow. Underneath these words lay the belief that losing was inevitable. Losing equals pain. There was a belief that “I always lose.” This belief kept her safe. No doubt about it. It also kept her small. Much smaller than I believed she was. In fact, much smaller than most people believed she was. None of this mattered though. She had repeated these words so often and for so long that they had become an absolute truth. The problem with absolute truths is that no truth is absolute. A glass can be half empty and half full simultaneously.

The key to freeing ourselves from our self-made prisons is to begin noticing the language we use to describe our experience. Really pay attention to it. Listen to the words we repeat. Becoming aware of our language reveals our belief systems and allows us to change.

This is also where a Reiki practice becomes incredibly useful—not because it gives you new beliefs, but because it slows you down enough to actually hear the ones that are already there. It creates the space where noticing becomes possible.

So here’s an exercise to help you start noticing:

To begin, make yourself comfortable. Take a few breaths and bring your awareness inwards. Breathe down into the Earth, really allow that grounding strength to fill you, breathe up into the Heavens, allow the strength from above to move through you, joining the strength of the Earth. Finally, connect with your own heart. Place both hands on your heart centre and breathe, knowing that all of the information you desire lives there.

Now get out your journal or a piece of paper and divide it into seven sections: Family, Society, Finances, Romance, Health, Work and Livelihood. If there are any other areas you’d like to focus on, add those too. Now begin to free write all of the ways you use the words “always” or “never” in regards to these areas. No censuring. Just write. Write until you can write no more. If situations reflecting your “always” or “never” beliefs arise over the next few days, add them to the chart.

Now that you have brought your “always” and “never” beliefs into your consciousness, you will begin to notice them popping up everywhere. Pay attention to the language you are using both out loud and in your head. Notice, notice, notice. You may also begin to notice physical and emotional reactions.

This is where the practice deepens. Not by forcing change, but by seeing clearly what is already there.

It might go something like this:

Thought or Words: “I never get chosen for important assignments. People always overlook me.”

Possible Emotional Responses: Anger, Sadness, Hopelessness, Resentment…..

Possible Physical Responses: Tightness in chest or throat, rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, lethargy…..

At this point, we respond and the response is more than likely habitual and at some point in our histories, it probably worked. It kept us safe or released us from discomfort. The issue is that we rinsed and repeated and continued to get the same results. The choices we made were based on fear or discomfort. When we operate out of fear, it is because we are trying to avoid something happening. We are not creating. Creation moves us toward our purpose while fear moves us away from our pain.

And without that moment of awareness—without that pause—we don’t see that we have any other option.

This is the work.

Not forcing yourself to change.
Not pretending everything is fine.

Noticing.

And, little by little…

seeing clearly enough to choose differently.

Karen McCullough is the co-director of the Westcoast Reiki Centre, where she has been teaching and practicing Reiki for nearly two decades. With a background in education and bodywork, Karen brings both depth and playfulness to her teaching. She is dedicated to training Reiki practitioners and teachers in ways that are trauma-informed, grounded, and authentic. Her work blends the traditional roots of Reiki with a modern understanding of energy, always emphasizing kindness, self-responsibility, and personal transformation.